Thinkers Anonymous

[Found in inbox, source anonymous:]

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.

 Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a  social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.   Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was  thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that  night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius  and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused,  asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in.  He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

That gave me a lot to think about.  I came home early after my conversation with  the boss.  I confessed to my wife, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, her lower lip quivering.

"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, you won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in  tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the  emotional drama.

"I'm going to  the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for  the library, in the mood for some John Locke.  I roared into the  parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass  doors.

They wouldn't  open.  The library was closed. 

To this day, I  believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

Leaning on the unfeeling glass, while whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye: "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" 

You probably  recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers  Anonymous poster.

This is why I  am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a  TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video;  Then we share experiences about how  we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my  job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I think the road  to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step. I joined the [insert group to denigrate here - example: other political parties, other religions, other countries, etc].

Variations of the above can be found all over the internet. If you have proper attribution of the original source, please advise.