Parkinsons Blog: Final Days

Perhaps it is odd to feel the most sadness that she can no longer talk, here in these very last of her days.

There is so much to feel sad about, yet grace and time have allowed us to accustom ourselves to each loss as it has happened over the last few years. Her gradual loss of vitality, then her loss of mobility bit at a time, and then in the last years the loss of her mental acuity. This dementia seemed to come with either Parkinsons, or all the pain medication that is required to manage the effect of the falls, we were never sure.

But as each of us takes turns sitting with her in these final days, it seems such a cruel effect that she can't even tell us what she wants. We are here to make these last days as pleasant as possible for her. 

Her Lips Are Almost Moving

and sound is coming out, but it's just not enough for us to understand what she wants. We still try. "Can we get you some water ? Is it too cold ? Too hot ? She attempts to answer.

This is so much like all the other losses that have happened before. First it was just a general malaise, she knew something wasn't right, but it was too general a feeling to do much with, and it took the doctors a few years to come up with the Parkinson's diagnosis.

Now, several damaging falls later, we are proving the doctor's wrong in at least one respect. She really is just dying of Parkinsons. Her body is almost totally rigid as she lies here in bed on these last of days. Parkinsons is taking her life, which is something one doctor cracked might never happen.

"When You Have Parkinsons, You Usually Die From Something Else"

That's what one doctor told us. It didn't take long for us to figure out what he meant. "People die from falls, or from other side effects that the disease creates, they don't always live long enough to die of Parkinson's itself.

But mom managed to do just that, despite a broken hip and a broken neck that probably helped dig our nation further into debt to pay for the medical costs of treating her through those horrific months.

In the case of this patient, anyway - a decline in ability did not come with a decline in impulses, and only her absolute ability to get out of the chair (and now bed) kept her from bringing on another fall. This is an intelligent, perhaps at one time a brilliant person with plenty of good sense, but none of that seems to be kicking in, to keep her properly safe from her own impulses to participate in life's work.

But that's all old news now. She only has a few more days left, and our job is enjoy these last few days and hours with her before she passes.

She Can Still Sing

We woke her this morning to change her as she lies in bed, and after the ordeal was over she began to sing. No, her lips can't move, but her vocal cords still can hum, and she hummed some joyous notes for a while.

She is getting her wish. She is leaving us soon. Ever since her hip broke, and then even worse when her neck was broken, she has wished to be gone, to "go home". There were times when she was much more vocal about it, much more threatening, but that is all behind us. She is getting her wish, and a calm has come over her.

We have had years to mourn her loss, quite literally. Her final exit will be almost anti-climatic, in that she has been leaving us piece by piece all this time. We will miss her when she is gone - but more to the point, we already do.

Help Us Celebrate

If you are reading this and are not familiar with the rules as set up by Cherrie Carapetyan for her family, please join with us in embracing the apparent contradiction that she set for us. It has been a great loss for us as individuals, but Mom has always demanded that we shall celebrate the life as it ends. Her own shall be no exception.

Just as we did for our grandfathers and grandmothers in their time, we acknowledge and celebrate the tremendous joy that was hers and for all of us throughout Mom's life. This was a very complete life, full of accomplishment and wonder. In mourning our own loss, we only celebrate her own very rich and full life at this time. She deserves at least that.

Plus, she has always been very clear in her orders regarding the same, and I'm not sure if any of us is up to contradicting her, even in her passing. :)

Mom's obituary has been posted now at cherrieCarapetyan.com